Till Death Do Us Part!

Posted by & filed under Spiritual.

DisEngagedSince the dawn of civilization, men and women have joined in union to become husband and wife! And while the battle of the definition of marriage continues to plague our country due to the redefining of what “is” marriage, i’m not going to write on that subject today. Quite honestly I believe there is a bigger problem lurking within our society; one that I am sure is the catalyst of many other things haunting humanity; the starting point to the dismantling of values and morality in the world. It is the growing epidemic engulfing humanity today; our inability to commit to another person for a lifetime; till death do us part!

I would like to start our by sharing a verse from the bible which pretty much sums things up.

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’  and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

Again, I will not focus on the fact God “made them male and female”! We could debate for years on that sentence alone. I will not judge! I will, however, focus on two other key points made here.

One, that the “man shall leave his mother and father and join his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. Becoming ONE is no easy task. It requires COMMITMENT, DETERMINATION, HUMILITY, FORGIVENESS and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! In other words we must ENGAGE in the life of our spouse! For those understanding the true covenant of marriage, you know that the commitment is three in one; God, Husband and Wife! We can be assured that God does his part! But what about the rest of us?

For most of history, husband and wife stood before their pastor and swore a covenant to God and to one another. In short they spoke this simple yet deep commitment to one another; I will use my vows to my wife to share my example.

Jeff, do you take Jessica to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her; For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?” 

WOW! I said those words for the first time in 1990 when I was blessed enough to marry my soul mate! At the age of 22, I will be honest with you when I tell you I can’t even remember saying those words! I was so nervous; everything happened so fast and quite frankly my mind seemed to be in a bit of a fog! But I do know this much; it wasn’t a trial run! We spent time during the ENGAGEMENT discussing our future; what we wanted, how we would raise our kids; etc. It wasn’t something we just did on our own; we had the assistance of our pastor; actually he INSISTED on it because even though we weren’t looking past that magical day, he understood that THIS WAS FOR LIFE! Soon after the reception was over, the guests went home and we picked the rice out of our hair (yes, we weren’t protecting the rights of birds just yet), we retreated to our home; and it was just US! The engagement was over; or was it? Does becoming married mean we are no longer engaged? Actually it means your “option” to be engaged is over and the “requirement” to be engaged at a level you may have never considered begins!


It’s when you have to learn to forgive your spouse for EVERYTHING; yes EVERYTHING! It’s when you have to DECIDE to love long after that being “In Love” feeling diminishes. As a matter of fact it has been proven scientifically that the “In Love” feeling is equivalent to the chemical release occurring in dogs in heat! It requires little effort to “hook up”! It does, however, require enormous determination and dedication to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY! No matter what, you are here for the duration; till DEATH DO US PART!

Unfortunately, our society has slowly been moving from this commitment level of relationship; one of sacrifice and hard work, to one of self gratification; one’s personal agenda and a focus on MY desires; not OUR desires; not OUR goals and DREAMS; MINE! If we only spent the same amount of time engaging in planning our lives together as we did planning the wedding, possibly we would improve our odds of success. Yet for a growing number of couples, when the going gets tough, they get going, ELSEWHERE! Rather than working on ourselves as individuals, we carry our baggage to the next relationship; and the next, and the next! When will we STOP; LOOK at our spouse in the eyes; LISTEN to their hearts; LEARN from our mistakes and begin the life long process of CHANGING OURSELVES!?!?!?

broken heartWhen we commit to ANYTHING of value for the long haul, it is going to be tough; be it our marriage, relationship with our children or family members, a business, etc. We are going to get scarred and wounded; you can guarantee it! BUT in the end, we are stronger and we have more to give to the one’s we love!

Many people throughout their lives may say the vows I listed above more than once; I myself have numerous times; but I thank God that they were to my first wife; my only wife! We have exchanged these vows numerous times as a re-commitment to one another and to our God who has seen us through things that divorce most couples. It wasn’t by our strength alone, but by the grace of God that we had enough belief in our hearts that He brought us together for a reason. Despite the devil’s best efforts to split us apart, our love and commitment to one another and to our Maker has been enough to endure 23+ plus years together!

I look forward to continuing to STAY ENGAGED daily to my wife as we work on ourselves; and God knows we are still a mess! But we are a mess TOGETHER! The reality is all of us, all 7+ billion of us on this remarkable planet are a mess; and getting through it alone is nearly impossible. The good news is we are not alone. But before we can begin reaching out and being more to the world, me must first learn to be more the person we share our bed with, our spouses!

Oh and one last thing, since I said I was going to touch on two points from the scripture above. It says “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” If you found it important enough to include God in your marriage, then remember this; He is with you! Even if a judge or court has declared your marriage null and void, God has not! It is never too late; turn to Him for guidance, healing and peace and you never know; you may find yourself once again “engaged” to that person you committed to; TILL DEATH DO US PART!


10 Responses to “Till Death Do Us Part!”

  1. Vanessa Terrell

    Jeff all I can say is AMEN! Well done post!

    • Jeff

      Vanessa, Thanks so much! At times I wonder if I step over the line but in the end, the truth comes out; whether we like it or not! 🙂 thanks for stopping in!

  2. Karen Richards

    A very “engaging” posts that truly reminds me that I need to always be engaged in my relationship with my husband. My first marriage fell apart for that very reason. This time I will remember my vows and stay engaged – 6 years and going strong!

    • Jeff

      Karen, Thanks so much for the kind comment and let me tell you CONGRATULATIONS on your 6 years! I know there are those relationships that end up dangerous and unhealthy, but sadly enough for the majority it just boils down to lack of commitment and effort. I have no doubt, that as with my marriage, we will have “those days” but with your continued “engagement with your husband, you will live long happy lives together! Thanks again!

  3. Crystal Green

    It’s so refreshing to hear a man say these things! I couldn’t agree more with you! God put my husband and I together, and I believe with every ounce of my being he made darn certain that we would end up together regardless of our own actions. I look forward to being engaged with my husband for the rest of our lives.

    • Jeff

      Crystal, thanks so much for the kind words! Contrary to popular belief some of us men are learning to be smart (thanks to our wives…lol) Its so true that if we were seeking God’s will in finding our soul mate that we must trust in His choice. It doesn’t mean it will come without challenges but it will come with blessings! Congrats to you and your hubby and thanks again for your kind words. Hope you come back and visit! 🙂

  4. Leanne Chesser

    I won’t debate with you about certain topics :). I’ll focus on your powerful statement that I do agree with, which is: “Actually it means your ‘option’ to be engaged is over and the ‘requirement’ to be engaged at a level you may have never considered begins!” I absolutely agree. However, it requires two whole individuals (and you would add God) for this to take place. I believe that there are so many broken people these days and so many people who don’t value themselves (or others, as a result) that creating a whole, healthy relationship isn’t even possible (unless or until healing takes place). It’s a complex issue!

    • Jeff

      For starters thank you for the kind words. I totally agree that marriage is complex and should be something not taken lightly; problem one that most people DO take it lightly because they already have a belief that they can escape it should it become too tough for them. Failure has already crept its way into the mix. Secondly, no doubt we are all broken and many of us have issues with even loving ourselves yet alone another human being. I don’t believe that it means we shouldn’t try BUT if we are going to enter into a lifetime commitment with someone else, my hopes would be that adequate enough time is spent on the front end sharing those hurts, wounds, weakness and inadequacies with our future spouse. At that time they can decide that maybe its not worth it to move forward OR that they love each other enough to work together while each individual works on themselves. Unfortunately most couples don’t take that approach to it. Sadly enough, most that call it quits end up taken the luggage full of brokenness and for some reason rush into the next marriage, learning NOTHING of themselves, of the requirements to have a successful relation or without having even looked in the mirror at themselves. I do know there are those relationships that are one sided; only one spouse giving of themselves and those are doomed as well. But given the proper time invested with one another BEFORE marriage, selfishness of the one who is unwilling to contribute to the relationship will surely give signs of this ahead of time.
      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate it more than you know! Never give up on LOVE! 🙂

  5. Donovan Dreyer

    Hey Jeff,

    Congratulations to you for maintaining your marriage from age 22! Impressive! Your power to engage is a major strength. I like how deep you go with your posts and how you have the courage to get personal too. Your selected visuals capture what you have to say so well and add a powerful dimension. Well done, sir!

  6. Jeff

    Donovan, thanks for the words of encouragement. In many ways they give me the strength to step out on the ledge place my life into plain view. Scary at times but I believe its an invaluable tool we we do in fact want to engage in relationship with others. As I stated in the last reply to Leanne its that ability to be true, open and honest, not only to yourself, but to those you seek relationship with that give you a leg up. Those you meet and engage with are getting a glimpse at the “real” you; broken, scared, humiliated at times BUT a work in progress, someone who will be honest to you and share with you valuable life lessons that can benefit all! 🙂 I enjoy our friendship and our desires to impact the world! THANK YOU!


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